


That time on tour in Europe

by Krash39



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: Drug Use, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 03:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19432846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krash39/pseuds/Krash39
Summary: “Sometimes I get very tired of Shannon, sometimes I think I I’ll grab something heavy and knock him so hard that his head will be ringing as the plates of the drum set. Sometimes he’s too caring. He is so caring that I sometimes think that I’m dying or physically limited.But when I get tired, I fall on the couch and realize that Shannon is far, he toured with Antoine or somewhere else out there, I feel bad, I miss his absolute care, I want to be a younger brother, who he takes care of. I do not care that I’m forty, I like to be his younger brother, his love is very necessary to me.” — Jared Leto about his older brother Shannon.





	That time on tour in Europe

Tense silence filled the stretching hallway. Heavy doors with card key locks ran its length. Single barriers between an intrusive reality and whatever alternate existence lay behind them. The thick black on white carpet ensured Jared's passing was silent. Mentally ticking off the numbers until the desired door was reached. He steeled himself in preparation for whatever might lay beyond.   
In one motion he slid the card through the slot and turned the smooth handle.

At first glance the suite was a whirlwind mess. Articles of clothing of all kinds were strewn about in their hasty removal. Dozens of beer and liquor bottles covered dressers and table surfaces. But the arrangement of multicolored pills, mingling with a large mound of white powder in the center of the marble coffee table consumed Jared's attention the most; sending him adrift years of memories of heartache, fear and helplessness he'd just as soon forget.

Then movement brought him back to sharp focus as two blonde girls stood and whirled towards the intruder. Behind them, a third form, draped over a couch, barely showed signs of life. Both girls were topless, drunk and wide eyed. Jared's keen eye followed the shorter girl's trailing arm to its end. The delicate fingers trying not to look as if they were reaching for the wallet that peeked over the denim pocket of the third occupant.

"Get. Out." The order was sharp and cold. It startled both the girls, more than he'd meant to, but Jared couldn't care through his mounting disgust. They hesitated for just a moment, as if they thought to size him up. The presumption made him see red. "Now!." He hissed. There was no mistaking his intent then, and both girls clumsily gathered what few clothes were in reach before hurrying out the door. A quiet click the only ghost of their presence. 

Breathing deeply Jared deliberately slid an arm over the table top, displacing trash and drugs in a costly dust cloud, clearing a place to sit. He propped both elbows on his knees and scrubbed his face with his hands to regain control. And with a final sigh he decided to pull out a half emptied bottle of water from his coat pocket. A deft twist of his hand removed the plastic cap, and unceremoniously dumped the remainder over the prone form of his older brother. The reaction was instantaneous.

Shannon bolted up sputtering and swiping indignantly at his face. "Shannon." Jared simply stated. "What the hell!" The older man demanded, unable to entirely hide the disoriented wonder as he fully woke. Jared cocked an eyebrow as if in consideration.   
"Welcome back. What the fuck are you doing?" There was a low growl in the question.

"I could ask you the same." Shannon feigned leisure, leaning back and putting a booted foot next to his brother on the table. Jared wanted to scream and let loose a tirade of outrage at this supposed normalcy. Instead he breathed again and forced himself to see through his brother's stubborn defenses. "Thought I'd come see how the tour was going." It was calculated, deliberately non judgmental. Shannon rolled his head from shoulder to shoulder as if to unkink his neck. It was chess, and the loser would be the first to break the illusion of control. "Had off tonight. What's your problem Jared, don't be coy." Shannon baited,then stared purposely at the ceiling, hands behind his head.

"So you hole up with some hookers to coke out? Saved your wallet by the way." Jared gripped his knees, the motion familiar and grounding. "Not that it's any of your business." Shannon emphasized, "thanks for my wallet, though." His gaze returning level. Shannon still refused to meet Jared's eyes. He knew if he did, the game was over.

"Are you kidding!?" Jared roared, suddenly standing. Shannon jumped in his seat on the couch. The game was definitely over. "Not my business? Who drags your ass back from the brink when you fall into this shit? You're not just killing everything you've worked your ass off for brother, you're taking MY dream with you!" Shannon flinched as his facade crumbled. 

The silence settled slowly over them again. Both brothers feeling very old, and very raw. Knowing exactly what the other was thinking. The same old back and forth. _The how could yous_ , and _I'm sorrys_ , stale as the cemetery of cigarette butts in a beer bottle.

"I-I know you did this," Jared gestured bigger than the room around them. "because you wanted something of your own. But; you have to know, I will never lose you to this." Jared purposely didn't acknowledge the drugs on the floor. "Not while I'm breathing Shannon. This life can't be ok." Jared wasn't sure when he'd sat back down, but he attempted to meet the darker eyes across from him. And when he did, they were just as familiar as ever, with the same emotions running through them, the love, the fear, the wild passion. Everything he loved and admired in his big brother, that also made him fear for him.

"It's not like that. I just wanted a break. To be out of myself for a night and this, here, I didn't want to drag you in." Jared barked a laugh and looked around the room again. "Unless you've got Keith Richards stashed in a closet this is more than one night." Shannon's eyes rolled in agreement. "Yea, guess it did go a little Hunter S. Thompson." They both smiled devilishly. "I can't come home yet Jared. I've gotta finish this with Antoine." Then a thought stopped him. "Mom doesn't know, does she?" Jared's face grew a little harder. "No. She thinks you lost your phone. Again." Shannon nodded, clearly grateful. "But this," Jared gestured to the mess on the floor. "stops. Tonight." It was Shannon's turn to lean forward. Elbows on knees, hands covering his face.   
"You're right." He acquiesced after a few moments. 

Jared pivoted and sunk into the couch next to his brother. "Imagine letting you loose on Amsterdam. Jesus!" Jared scoffed. Shannon laughed and plopped back. "Shut up! They were hanging around the back door of the last club. You know I never pay." Shannon cocked an eyebrow. Jared immediately furrowed his own in defense. "I don't PAY!" Shannon laughed harder.   
"I know, you're too scared of girls."   
"I am NOT scared! I prefer to have a connection with someone that I sleep with." Jared grimaced as his retort hung in the air. He waited, now refusing to meet Shannon's gaze. It did not keep his older brother from bursting into a fit of giggles. They continued trading jabs and digs, falling into their own personal rapport as the hours rolled by.

And finally, when the night was its darkest and most quiet, Shannon brought up the detail they'd both been avoiding.

"You didn't come here to see how the shows were going." He stated, playing with a plate full of chips they'd long since stopped eating. "You would kill it playing with a choir of gregorian chanting nuns." Jared replied absently twirling the keycard between his thumb and forefinger. "And that's a mental image." Shannon snorted.

"How many more do you have?"  
"You know how many." Shannon smiled. "And my kit at your place will be my first stop as soon as I get back." He didn’t respond, just searched the face he knew so well.  
“I’ll be there Jared. One thousand percent. I’m coming back.”  
Jared nodded. He stood and headed out the door. No traded goodbyes, or brotherly hugs needed.

Alone, awake and sober Shannon began the task of sorting, cleaning and returning his room to general order. All to keep his mind from wandering to topics too vast for a post bender 4 am.   
He deliberately did not hear the quiet, tempting whispers as the pills found their way into the toilet. Did not reflect on two little boys whose whole world was the joy and peace they found making music as he sorted his practice pads into their cases.  
And definitely did not think about two men, so in sync that being on opposite sides of the world would not keep them from quelling each other's loneliness or tendency to teeter on the edge of disaster. And as Shannon finally sat back down at the kitchen counter, steaming coffee not entirely enough to face the oncoming day. he noticed 1 text message waiting on his phone. A single image, unmistakably his brother's hand, holding his wallet. Shannon couldn't help but reach for his back pocket, only to find it empty. "Son of a bitch." He smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a SUPER long time ago for a friend on tumblr.


End file.
